If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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