I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
