I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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