Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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