I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
