i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
