You're my little dorito
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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