I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
