I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
