the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize