did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
operation harelip BJ is a go
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
