I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
