Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
