I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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