we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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