just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
