I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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