ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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