What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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