Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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