I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
