Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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