we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
