i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
