dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
