she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
