Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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