Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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