I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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