It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize