it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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