then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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