the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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