Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
