My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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