We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize