I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
