weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize