The maid of honor just puked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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