Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
