I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
