he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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