maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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