i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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