I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
