halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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