do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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