I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
