she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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