Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
