Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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