Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
