Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A+ Viking dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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