I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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