He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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