Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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