I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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