My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
