what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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