So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
