I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
barbara walters just said penis...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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