You really coming over, don't trick.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
