Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize