She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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