The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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