Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize