I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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